i was doing so well i interviewed for a job and i was being self sufficient and i had volunteer opportunities lined up and big plans for the future and now i cant leave my room without crying and i cant do anything for myself i had to ask my mom to make me food bcs if she doesnt i wont eat i feel like absolute shit and i cant catch a break at all i just want to be happy for once and i dont think i ever have been truly in my life i dont want more of this but i still dont want to die what if i live my whole life in misery and expectations of something better and this is it for me i wish i got more positive charge out of the way people actually do see me than how negatively affected i am by how people might see me because outside of that im not impacted much by what people think about me in the end it doesnt affect me how strong their belief in me is or how i touch them because im still miserable and ive been selfless a lot of my life and why cant i be selfish for once in saying i want to be happy not make others happy even at the expense of my misery bcs no matter how hard i try i cant do both i try to be selfless and i know i could be more selfless and giving bcs as of late im really not at all but how much is too much i dont blame anyone but me cus the problem is me ill never be able to give just the right amount and recieve my due happiness in return i either give a little or not at all and either way i remain unhappy i cant give more cause i bruise easy

knife in the water was such a male movie ughhhhhh phallic imagery n male sexual rivalry and the one female character who only shows agency like 50 minutes in but is still mostly a plot device and yeah it explored some interesting things/had tension/was pretty to look at but who cares i already know guys r gross and dumb as hell the movie didnt add anything new to that except its by a dude so ~*~*~*~

i really like a lot of the stuff/techniques introduced tho if only the subject matter werent something i cared so little abt/was done not from a male perspective  :’///////////////////

this is rly simplifying it had a lot of good really well done points but its boring and by polanski so whatever im gonna shit talk

this is my best work to date i am the single most underappreciated artist of my time →

i need 2 rewatch in the mood for love bcs i rly didnt care for it/wkw style sometimes bugs me but i rly like chungking express + fallen angels + thought days of being wild was good so?? like i feel like the way ive watched movies is a lot different so i should give it a chance again (but most of whats won me over in the three i liked are the early 90s/hong kong hyperkinetic aesthetic whereas in the mood for love is a lot more mature and im like not, but i understand his themes a lot more now as well)

A radical meditation on man’s (or, more precisely, men’s) obsession with illusion,Vertigo reflects back on itself as cinema, and as a sadly ironic view of romantic love in the fifties. James Stewart was never less “romantic” than in this film; his urgency is frightening and compelling. Kim Novak knowingly portrays the two faces of woman, icon and victim (with a beautiful turn on the movie standard—she’s a smart blonde, a dumb and manipulated brunette). Formally, and in its deeply felt expression of the ultimate love triangle—man, woman, and death—this is Hitchcock’s most poetic film. As Marilyn Fabe wrote, “The hero’s simultaneous desire and dread are given brilliant and haunting visual expression through the ambivalent camera movements—especially the combination of forward zooms and reverse tracking shots.”

truuuuuuuuuu (p sure the author means “two faces of woman” in reference to cinematic portrayal not like as actual human beings)
ive always seen vertigo like this and this is why im a fan, even tho its questionable whether or not this is the point seeing as hitchock was a freak misogynist but :/ i want 2 believe

maybe id go hard for the white D if it was early 1990s london but its NOT