maybe id go hard for the white D if it was early 1990s london but its NOT

facebook gets me more than any man ever will

iconic

im so alienated from everything i dont belong anywhere and those who try to comfort me are part of the problem i just dont have the courage to say anything about it and any time i try to express myself i just come across as melodramatic i wish i was without self awareness entirely and i could act how people wanted me to and be what people want me to and follow through with things and get along easily with others but everything i do is performance everything is artificial and for most everyone thats the case but i can feel it so deeply, nothing i do is genuine and nothing i feel is either and for all the acting i do i cant put on the smallest facade of tolerance in order to just get along with others but why should i tolerate ppl who i can tell have no tolerance for anyone else? why do i have to be the understanding one all the time when time and time again my fears with people are justified. everyone has a type and within a week of knowing them i can pin it and its very few who can overcome that early of judgment, i set myself up for failure in order to avoid it. i need to be in control so that if and when something fails, it will be on my own terms.

Based on Kyoko Okazaki's award-winning Helter Skelter manga, the film stars Erika Sawajiri (SHINOBI - Heart Under Blade, 1 Liter of Tears drama series) as Ririko, a model who underwent extensive plastic surgery to attain her beauty. The clinic who performed Ririko's surgeries goes under investigation for questionable business practices, and Ririko's body starts to deteriorate. As the model's prominence in the entertainment industry begins to falter, so does her sanity.

i want to see this so fricken bad and it took me like half an hour to find it again because it doesnt have a mubi page or a wiki???????

am i the worst if my kneejerk reaction to somebody trying to pour their heart out and get heavy about shit is "theres blogging for that" am i the worst if i think its selfish for other people to assume others want to hear about their shit/can deal with their shit/should be able to help them with their shit and then getting mad or offended when theyre told straight up that theyre not equipped for that?

i dont feel very safe on this blog isnt that stupid i just reverted a lot of my posts to drafts. its weird bcs i know not a lot of people are reading this but i know a few are and im trying really hard not to sound like an idiot but its difficult since i actually am and all i can write about is wanting to kill myself when i made this blog to post screencaps and shit in the first place ugh

im very stupid its silly loves it

im in a good mood tonight i only have two thoughts and thats HOW EMBARRASSING IS MY SERIOUS WRITING and LETS MOVE TO DENMARK!!!

i wont kill myself soon but in time i feel very resigned by fate im going through a particularly stupid phase right now where i believe in shit like that but i do. i dont think a belief in fate necessarily cancels out a belief in self determination however. i can navigate within the framework of fate but there are still certain lines that lay out a path for me. what people dont understand is fate isnt "everything that happens is meant to be", its not an agenda its a loose set of guidelines and whether you like it or not these guidelines are at least somewhat adhered to.

i love myself so much so very much i just dont feel i can ever fully actualize that in anybody else i dont know if that makes sense and i dont really care here lets cry together

some people i just dont wanna know tho u learn yr lessons

i really wish i could stay friends with everyone and im sure 99% of all friendships gone down the drain are a result of bad communication/partial fucking up on my part but i also know that any relationship ive fucked up a lot on i try really hard to repair and sometimes its not my responsibility to make that effort

if a relationship breach is 1/10 my fault and 9/10 the other persons im not gonna grovel or try to be the "bigger person" i already was to begin with

a look i'd like to duplicate

"There was no point throwing myself into the East River, because I knew how to swim; and I couldn’t afford the alternative, which was sleeping pills."

this is a metaphor but also a reality i feel like louise brooks really gets me

i just want 2 cry and sleep forever and i dnt know why
i have to do things today but im always so tired

the actual perfect human specimen????????// i think so

u may say but what about the uni??? and i say frick european beauty standards!!! (but also maybe pls fix that uni im not sure, ill still take the d either way)

ideal double/group features

• sunset blvd/mulholland drive (/in a lonely place - v similar in theme/atmosphere but doesnt go as well bcs it doesnt have a street name as its title!! still tho)
• the misfits/the last picture show (really perfect actually)
• stranger than paradise/last days of disco (im not sure how but it works trust me)
• blue velvet/fire walk with me (duh though)

more 2 come

lmao @ my laura palmer comparison still but im just not interesting!!!!!!! i feel like everything i write or do has been done before and it just means nothing

the thought of anyone having concern for me whatsoever gets me so mad im so happy i have a blogspot now and i can say something like that, im a very angry and very self centered person but i dont want to bother anyone else with this fact

everything ive ever written is a lie i want to sleep for 100000 years and for everyone i know to be dead and buried i want to start over pure and new and unscathed and not wary i want to kill myself but ive already put too much effort into this world to abandon it ive been too selfish in this life to leave it for another but i still cant tell if the selfish part is wanting to stay in it in the first place
and writing it out like that i know that i do want to stay, but i dont know if i can

i hate everyone except for brown girls right now/always - not personally but on principle

my #1 daily reminder to myself and to others is to recognize the complex humanity of other people (but also fuck a rapist or any other -ist)

picture this it was 1995 and we were in love

i thought about it and i am okay with it if i can not go through with physical suicide i must at least concede to virtual death

i feel like everyones losing interest in me and im not okay with it for once. i can't help but feel that maybe i've exposed myself in more ways than one. its presumptuous but ever since i made this blog ive thought about this negative review of fire walk with me in relation to it/myself constantly

"Laura Palmer, after all the talk, is not a very interesting or compelling character and long before the climax has become a tiresome teenager."

i go thru crushes so fast the only person i like is myself the only otp i have is me myself and i, i just like "having crushes on people" not actually having crushes, life is kinda boring if i cant delude myself into thinking i like anyone like that, idk what 2 do hopefully something legitimate happens soon but also ive got to stop living in terms of entertainment cus its for this reason that im generally incompatable i dont think i "use" anybody purely for entertainment but theres a definite factor of "finding a reason to live through other people" in every relationship i have, its not my fault i want to die but its also no excuse to forget the complete and full humanity of others

my favorite scene from one of my favorite films. clara bow was the first star i really wanted to be.

i use the word love and hate too liberally, i dont know if i really love or hate anything at all. i was in love once i think but now my insides have gone all rotten.

im so beautiful it makes me sick to my stomach and nobody will ever know it i hope i die soon

i dont get u at all if you dont have a panic attack around men much less big groups of 'em

i wrote things on my tumblr but im too tired 2 rephrase here so heres my past month in phone pics

yo u can suck a gotdamn 50 foot clit if you think yr on some elevated level for not making blanket statements about historically oppressive people

i think im in LOV E with someone but ill never tell bcs i think they might read this blog lolllll

eta: actually no i dont think they do, so good

lmao im finally watching genesis by grimes and this girl with the neon braids and platform shoes """dancing""" is thirsting so hard 4 that melanin swag its embarrassing. id really like 2 like grimes but her white ass needs 2 take a couple of seats.

i dont think im perfect but i also get really mad when other people dont think i am/agree with me that im not

im like trying to formulate this idea in my head so i can flesh it out and deliver it clearly but im not sure if morally im alright with it or if i'd side eye someone else who expressed it, maybe im side eyeing myself

its basics are that i really like playing up sexuality, i really like being sexual, its fun and funny to me, but at heart i dont have an especially great lust and im not sure how comfortable i would actually be when it came to the act. in a lot of ways im more comfortable being sensually~ active than sexually active, because i thrive on the senses/off of the performance/off of the build up but im not sure how much pleasure id actually get from the act of or going through with something. im sure i wouldn't mind it it might even be nice but its in no way at the top of my priorities.

im trying to work out if this is regressive and just sum internalized repressive wanting to be sexual without the stigma thought or if its legitimate, because i guess it could be interpreted as the former in the way the bullshit that is "demisexual" is. idk mang maybe i should just shut the fuck up until it actually happens and think it thru from there.

the good thing about being you and doing what you do is that even if you think someone does what you wanna do but better, youre still you and you still bring your own perspective to things and theres so many variations in personal experiences that every voice has something to offer!!!! so its unwise to let yr insecurities hold you back from sharing yr voice cus its the most powerful thing youll have in this world.

mostly a note to myself but also a note to everyone else. theres so many writing styles and so much to say that all comparisons to others are unfounded and unnecessary, just DO YOU.

i think im a writer """""lmao"""""

white art is so boring. me and kapi were talking about how boring and irrelevent white people shit is and its true, tho maybe not to other white people. we were talking about philosophy and about how much seems so inapplicable to us because its just so white and im so beyond done trying to come off as any sort of cultured when cultured means bowing to whiteness and what white culture has deemed i should consider important. i like so much things by white people but as a whole i just cant bring myself to care. i care about people of color dying i care about queer alienation i dont have much time to think about why im on this earth and if i do i dont have time to think of it in any way outside of this context.

the main objective of this blog is to turn off any interested parties

goals

im in a really weird place right now im trying to figure out how to transfer my soul to a doll bcs idt i can do this. last night i had a really strange dream and im still lmao about it cus ugh why. i have a very ideal relationship and im trying to work it out in my head but its very stupid and very removed from the norm/any sort of possible reality so i probably wont bother idk whats wrong with me (the second time ive wondered this on this blog).

aka perf
(polanski as director obvs not polanski, rapist creepazoid disgusting piece of shit, but then whats the difference)

honestly just way 2 sensual to blog abt anything other than sex rn my blossom is ripe and i hope nobody on earth ever types out that phrase ever again bcs im gonna throw the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where the d @

i dont even know how 2 blog anymore the other day i almost made a serious post about fingering i think i still might do it but mostly i was just gonna say everyone should finger themselves or at least try it and if it gets them off then no shame cus bodies are cool as frick and you should try everything!!!!!!!! yolo!

im beat the frick out and saw a lot of movies the past 2 days and feel really gross but also really cute!!! life trajectory!!!! i better get this job tomorrow or im gonna be too embarrassed to ever show my face at my favorite theater ever again ^__^

i dont think i used trajectory right here and i dont really care

how fucking cis and white and masc would u have to be tho to think bruce labruce is anything great i think my #1 indicator of a gay i dont want to know is someone who thinks bruce labruce is great

i dont even remember what this movies about i mean i do bcs the theme is so sensational but i dont know what i think about it all i can remember is this scene left a large indent on young me i hate teenage boys a lot unless theyre touching eachother besides that they shouldnt exist

bruce labruce is the worst all the gay filmmakers are the worst even pedro can sometimes be the worst im so scared to be alive in this world

The film's review in Variety said that, "With The Devil in Miss Jones, the hard-core porno feature approaches an art form, one that critics may have a tough time ignoring in the future", and compared its plot to Jean Paul Sartre's play No Exit.^[1] The review went on to say, "Damiano has expertly fashioned a bizarre melodrama", and described the opening scene as, "a sequence so effective it would stand out in any legit theatrical feature."^[1] It finished by stating, "Booking a film of this technical quality into a standard sex house is tantamount to throwing it on the trash heap of most current hard-core fare."

im trying to figure out how to download this on my moms work laptop without making it look 100% sus

note to self: find out more about jobriath, hayden wayne, and related; read a history of sexual indulgence

lmbo im so mad about the city and the pillar IT WAS SO CLOSE TO FLAWLESS im gonna go cry about it

copy and pasting my review from goodreads:

Heteronormative, misogynist, and racist, but with some of the most beautiful heartbreaking prose and imagery. The protagonist is fairly unsympathetic, but his journey is very real. I have a lot of conflicting/negative feelings about a lot of things in this work but I really don't think I can give it anything less than a 4 [out of 5].

even if im pretty significantly bummed there was so much gross shit that ruined its perfection i'm still really glad i read it.

im terrified of my external hard-drive because my whole life is on it
the me my self-image has internalized is on it
im afraid to look because i know the me i still envision and the me i am now are in actuality completely separate beings
im afraid ill notice the lack of lines and asymmetry
im afraid some of my happiness will show through
im afraid of all the people i havent talked to in years
all night i lay parallel to my whole life and i know if i plugged it in and took a look i wouldnt be able to recover for weeks
i cant afford to do that to myself
and im so afraid i will

i want to become bigger than myself, i just need a way to preserve myself as well
i can feel myself becoming depersonalized and need to reconcile writing for others with writing for me
i believe theres a happy medium, i believe i can touch others and have a sense of community without losing who i am
i never did well in groups, i only know how to be an entity
what i need to learn is how to be an entity in a group of entities

this is probably my favorite music video of all time, maybe. when i was 14/15 i used to cry over this song every night. tonight when i was driving home it came on the radio and i cried again.

i have a dream that one day i can talk abt wanting to kill myself constantly and it being nbd
~just one my of many quirks~

i hate the thought of anyone thinking i talk about it for attention tho when its like naw i have my face for that thnx

i had terrible dreams last night and woke up worst than ive been for a while but i have no way of articulating them or putting them into words and explaining why they affected me the way they did, im not even sure of it myself. i want to tell these things to someone but i can't i can feel the words stuck in my throat but i know how stupid ill sound as soon as i let myself go. i cant tell my mom because i feel pathetic i cant tell any friend because i feel too corny and sappy and i cant even fully describe it here because i dont possess the abilities to begin describing it accurately in the first place. all i know is i want to die and i dont want anyone to try and make me feel otherwise but i also want to be understood. i dont know if this is selfish again. im starting to think everything i do is selfish. which makes me want to die more. i want to sleep a long time and i want my eyelids to even out and i want to wake up looking how i see myself and i want to only have good dreams that make me happy to be alive but i can't remember the last time even one of these things has happened.

two years ago i went to a therapist and for the first time i felt comfortable enough to tell them things. i only went twice before i caught a glimpse of the bill and stopped going. around january i returned hoping this time i could really give it a try and get better. i found they had retired.

fall plan: whenever i feel like killing myself eat a slice of pie
im gonna be so big and beautiful by the end of this season

PERFECT MOVIE/PERFECT SONG

defining "white"ness beyond the basics, in a pop cultural sense, is so weird and hard for me. id never really thought what it entails to be "white", and what things i would call "white". for example, ill call michaela white as hell because some of the things she likes are to me very "white", but other white friends' interests don't align with this perception of (pop cultural) whiteness which doesn't make them any less white, i would just never think of them or their interests as "too white 4 me". im half joking when i say things like this anyway but i guess when i say somethings "white" in a cultural sense i just mean "bland". i just mean very cookie cutter very in tune with western ideals very safe and very vanilla cream-y. and its not necessarily a bad thing? it doesnt fit in with my preferred aesthetic but it just is. when i say something is too "white" i usually mean it fits a very safe ikea proof conception of white america. and my use of "white" is constantly evolving and constantly being applied to things outside of this, so while it could have a negative connotation its more often than not just my perception of a certain way of ~being~, and is at least a step removed from any academic/sociological concepts of "whiteness" (though in no way independent of).

missed connections can be so sad. theres a whole story here, not just "ur ass looked nice at subway, call me". queer adolescence is so fleeting and tragic and confusing. any adolescence is so fleeting and tragic and confusing. except it really wasn't for me. at least not as much as i thought it'd be. or maybe im just adding padding to the past. i remember being 16 and ~struggling~ and wanting to take the train to sf to watch gb jones' the lollipop generation but having nobody to go with. i remember how much just the trailer to that film meant to me then and even now. i never got around to ever watching it, but that trailer combined with please dont kill the freshman give me all the melancholy queer teen feels ill ever need. i could look at it as a missed opportunity how sheltered and easy going my coming of age was but in a lot of respects i was extremely lucky. im more scarred by my selfish want to experience something more than by anything that actually happened. adolescence is a no-win situation. you either go through too much too fast or it feels insignificant because of how gradual it was. and above all no matter which end you're at, its sad. whether during, when its come to an end, or when you look back at it. extremely heartbreakingly sad.

lets play guess who's feeling self-destructive!!!!

my friend spookman just posted this rn and i am definitely not commiting suicide tonight just crying maniacally which good cus i havent in a while and ive tried (oh how ive tried)!! thanks spookman ur the best i hope u see this (shouts out 2 the spook master)

posting the link to this was stupid wasnt it (yes very) i want to write a list of people i miss but i dont want them to see it idk how they would but the world works in mysterious ways so itd probably happen eventually but its ok i never talk to anyone i miss ever again anyway i just need time to get used to it

tumbly is down right as i gave ppl my url it was not meant 2 be

eta: ah i spoke too soon....

i hate ur G U TS but i also would get up in em if u know what im sayin

i want to die more than my entire life i cant even say nobody likes me as one of my reasons because i know they do it just doesnt matter im a selfish giant baby who cant do anything and is too fucked up to achieve anything i actually want to, im not scared of the hereafter but i dont want to not accomplish anything, and i think step one of that is to stop being so self-centered. if im never going to achieve my real dreams then id at least like to make it easier for someone else to discover theirs. i dont think people realize how much strength it takes to go on living, and how much more it takes to decide to end it. im eating pie in lieu of shedding tears, because i don't even know how anymore.

i need to stop becoming friends with white people lmao
i almost renewed a high school friendship but then i remembered shes white as fq and pretentious wth would we even have to talk about

the question of the day is: do i fux with surrealism? do i fux with surrealism as a movement?
or do i only like some individual pieces, independent of  the philosophy behind them?
or do i roll my eyes at it all?

probably somewhere between all 3 (but heavy on the last two)

finding rene crevel

more common than actually enjoying an artist i'd sought out in the first place is discovering a new more intriguing one by proxy. in this case it was andre breton. i began reading nadja on the bus today and while its certainly compelling despite making very (and i mean really fucking VERY) little sense at the moment, i could perceive that familiar intellectual smugness that stains so many works of the 1920s literary scene. a short wiki search showed me that not only did he seem like a pretentious bore (we all know this sort of white dude - the pseudo communist 'intellectual' type who feeds off a good ego stroke), but a homophobe as well. which leads me to rene. according to breton's wikipedia:

In 1935, there was a conflict between Breton and Ilya Ehrenburg during the first "International Congress of Writers for the Defense of Culture" which opened in Paris in June. Breton had been insulted by Ehrenburg—along with all fellow surrealists—in a pamphlet which said, among other things, that surrealists were "pederasts". Breton slapped Ehrenburg several times on the street, which resulted in surrealists being expelled from the Congress. Crevel, who according to Salvador Dalí, was "the only serious communist among surrealists" was isolated from Breton and other surrealists, who were unhappy with Crevel because of his homosexuality and annoyed with communists in general.

 and crevel's wiki bio

Crevel was born in Paris to a family of Parisian bourgeoisie. He had a traumatic religious upbringing. At the age of fourteen, during a difficult stage of his life, his father committed suicide by hanging himself. Crevel studied English at the University of Paris. He met André Breton and joined the surrealist movement in 1921, from which he would be excluded in October 1923 due to Crevel's homosexuality and Breton's belief that the movement had been corrupted.

During this period, Crevel wrote novels such as Mon corps et moi ("My Body and Me"). In 1926, he was diagnosed with tuberculosis which made him start using morphine. The 1929 exile of Léon Trotsky persuaded him to rejoin the surrealists. Remaining faithful to André Breton, he struggled to bring communists and surrealists closer together. Much of Crevel's work deals with his inner turmoil at being bisexual.

Crevel killed himself by turning on the gas on his kitchen stove the night of 18 June 1935, several weeks before his 35th birthday. There were at least two direct reasons: (1) There was a conflict between Breton and Ilya Ehrenburg during the first "International Congress of Writers for the Defense of Culture" which opened in Paris in June 1935. Breton, who like all fellow surrealists, had been insulted by Ehrenburg in a pamphlet which said – among other things – that surrealists were pederasts, slapped Ehrenburg several times on the street, which led to surrealists being expelled from the Congress. Crevel, who according to Salvador Dalí, was "the only serious communist among surrealists" ^[1] (and was facing more and more solitude as the real face of Soviet socialism started to occur ^[2]), spent a whole day trying to persuade the other delegates to allow surrealists back, but he was not successful and left the Congress at 11pm, totally exhausted. (2) Crevel reportedly had learned that he suffered from renal tuberculosis right upon leaving the Congress (Claude Courtot, in ^[1]). He left a note which read "Please cremate my body. Loathing."

It should be remembered that when André Breton included the question "Suicide: Is It a Solution?" in the first issue of La Révolution surréaliste in 1925, Crevel was one of those who answered"Yes". He wrote "It is most probably the most correct and most ultimate solution."

tbh i have very little interest in philosophy, in general. like, i guess this could be seen as stupidity but the thought of a bunch of white dudes ruminating on nothingness is about the least appealing use of my time i can think of (subject specific philosophy and theory being quite another matter). but this! maybe its my draw 2 drama but this is intriguing, this is something i'd like to know about. fuck breton, i want to know crevel. i dont have time for psuedo-anythings, crevel was the real communist and though lacking the audacity of breton in ""founding"" any movement he was an obvious mover and shaker who seems to have played an integral part to it. and though just like that it seems ive made up a whole mythology of a person in my mind, theres no denying that theres bound to be some truth in it.

now as to actually checking out his works for myself, my body and i seems to be his best known novel so id feel naturally inclined to start there but when looking up information i stumbled upon this book cover

with this description on the back.

im going to see if its available through the state library system and if so i'll probably be beginning with this as soon as i finish nadja. of course breton is significant and its worth reading him but as a personality he's just a too uncompelling and actually p repelling figure for my tastes. i have a hard time seperating author from work, and tbh thats probably not too bad a thing.

today i took a bus over 30 miles and probably walked around 5, catching the last bus home from san jose before it only runs every hour. usually when this'd happen my anxiety would go through the roof and i'd kiss the ground as soon as i walked in the door. today i arrived home and i didnt feel much anything.

i think i might finally able to "function", at least in this situation. let's see how long this lasts. let's see where my anxiety shifts to next.

maybe its not that my anxiety has gone down even but that the urge to travel and experience new things has finally gotten strong enough to overcome it, though barely. i don't want to be home, i want to be living.

From the director of The Fluffer comes this witty erotic spoof of the Japanese Ringu movies starring Jason Adonis, Tag Eriksson and Josh Hammer. The film begins with two young men hearing the legend of a video tape that, when watched, will turn you gay in seven days. It turns out that some of the local boys have already seen the tape and have begun idolizing Judy Garland. They try watching straight porn to no avail; these boys have “gone gay”. It’s then that a journalist arrives to investigate the phenomenon and he watches the tape. Of course, the journalist turns gay as well! With loads of handsome, naked young guys, lots of wit and even a message buried amongst all these new gay converts, Wash West has crafted yet another great film. –TLA Releasing

obviously #1 on my to-watch list

There's a certain type of person I'm really shitty to and I feel horrible about it but I can't seem to help it when it's happening. If someone thinks theyre cultured cool and above anyone and theyre really not or its based on a naive perception I find myself being extremely rude. This has happened so many times and I always wonder what it is that causes me to be so mean to some people and so nice to everyone else, but I really loathe snobbishness of any sort and because of this I lash out. There's a fine line between being jokingly snobby and genuinely believing yr tastes are superior or youre better than someone for liking certain things. And the the thing is, when I'm around that type of person, I become that type of person? I begin acting like a snob to one-up their snobbery, my gut reaction is to let them know theyre not all that superior but by showing them how superior I am to them, even if I don't mean it (and im really really not), ugh. Then it becomes a sort of tug-o-war of tastes, until the problem, what annoyed me originally, just becomes greater and greater until we both spiral out of control. And it's so stupid of me, I should let them do whatever they want and live however they want, but theres something incredibly gross and annoying to me about that type of elitist attitude. I want to be nice to everyone and ignore those traits that bother me but I can't seem to help trying 2 "put them in their place". Probably because I've been there before and its nagl. It's immature and ugly and embarrassing. I need to just remove that toxicity from my life completely.

my actual favorite song i see many possibilites for this song in film eurodisco makes the world go round

which reminds me how under-utilized disco is in the horror film genre cus they really go perfectly together, as evidenced by prom night

i really dont want to live in a world where i can only think of one disco chase scene

as the second coming of usagi tsukino i am very deeply offended this is not already in my possession

SONGS FOR EARLY FALL

aka songs for mid-summer but it ends in 9 days and im not sick of them yet

1. strange fruit - i want to curl up and die i could listen to this for hours, i feel like its very erasive to say this song is so emotive it applies to a bevy of situations but it definitely has a special sort of emotiveness that you can relate to on a very human level even before delving into the context and the subject matter (which id hope would inspire even more empathy in most). there's a lot of pain there but its cathartic. it feels like a wound that'll never fully heal and what can you do.

2. love is strange - i watch this every day and cry or i would if i could cry wheres my roughie jd bf who'll take me to the woods and dance to mickey and sylvia with me (please dont kill people)

3. burial is very good loner is very good i feel very inspired and renewed by this i feel good (this one will be much more pertinent come october)

im way too ashamed to talk about just listening to the cocteau twins for the first time last night on tumblr but i very much feel i have transcended this space and this time by doing so, also i wanna kick my own ass for not starting sooner

lots of great lynch-y vibes i feel like a 16 year old how into lynch i am right now but rewatching blue velvet really blew my mind, its hard for me to feel enthusiastic about anything lately so please just let me have this

i just remembered i took 15 screencaps of this scene bcs i thought the guy had an impressive bulge im not sure what im doing with myself

I always want to write poetry right as I'm going to sleep. I'm feeling particularly uninspired right now so I should probably get off the internet. I have a lot of things to say not for anyone else but for myself.

i identify a lot with this statue

Summer with Monika (1953)

id been meaning to see this film for a long long time I think I like Ingmar Bergman again even though i've only seen one other film of his and thats The Seventh Seal and I hated that whoops but not whoops bcs rape jokes and misogyny areNT INTERESTING and the rest wasnt all that profound imo my dislike is p justified, anyway this film had very good aesthetics

hello lil lotus friends ^_^