i made this (i didnt make this) (i wish i made this)

i'd like to report a hate crime

everyone sort of postures themselves and builds themselves up online and like i guess i do or have done that too consciously or not bcs you build a distinct personality for yourself by the images + culture you choose to share but how many people have i met whose personality is still in the making and so far aren't true to themself in their actions or who are affected like they want so badly to be these images and quotes they project when theyre not and then theres people who have their own fully formed and real personalities and whats reflected on their blog is a reflection of that/an extension of who they actually are irl not the other way around but theres a lot of grey area in figuring out who's who and a lot of trouble on my part because i went through that sort of thing in the beginning of high school and its weird when people 17-my age are still there but i have to be more understanding. i just want to know people who have a personality first, and the image comes from that naturally, not a personality that comes from the images. so many people talk to hear themselves talk and so many people have learned how to talk from others instead of listening to their own voice.

i hate white boys of the ~indie rock~ persuasion n how generic ass they are all while thinking theyre metaconscious cus they make fun of black people BUT THEYRE """"""NOT RACIST"""""""!! they even listen to (fellow white boy approved) rap! independent rap! the rap du jour! they just think everything about any culture not built upon white american culture (sure they may make fun of this but only the most easy targets and always removed from themselves and their roles within it) is somehow inherently hilarious and worthy of mocking cus like "doesnt every culture"? how many white boys have u met who thought they could say faggot? or any variation of n*****? like these pitchfork ass white dudes w cookie cutter aesthetic n music tastes out here thinking theyre the height of humanity when their humor is one step removed from lowest common denominator. but theyre "aware" of it which sets them apart? they're offensive "ironically"? their inseparable asses still aren't worth shit.

whenever i look over my writing im like lol im so damn melodramatic but im not rly if anything i tone it wayyyyyyy down compared 2 what im feeling n i need 2 remember that/stop being ashamed cus this is my ~personal space~

i try so hard not to be a victim and i try so hard to preserve myself and not hurt myself because i want to survive all of this because everyone makes you feel weak otherwise even though you cant really help it if i muster up the energy to get up to do things to be an active force in my future thats it ive spent my energy for the day even if the drive is there the physical capacity is not and im tired of going to hack psychiatrists over and over trying to find the one for me and spilling out my whole life but not too much in case they arent the right one for me because i really hate the idea of telling all of myself to anyone but id be willing to with the right person if it helped and its frustrating to be seen as weak when you've made it this far despite everything its really frustrating to feel weak despite knowing otherwise when the energy trying to be strong when you already are strong could be used maintaining yourself i like myself and i think im valuable and thats not the problem its just idk if anything will ever come of that value and to what extent will others like me because its terribly lonely being a human being at all let alone one who's caught in between and too much or never enough and i want to put value back into this world i want to give im not a selfish person but i hate feeling it because all my energy has to go into me first to get to that point i constantly feel like im swimming upstream and im constantly afraid im pushing that stream against myself by what i choose to fight for and against but im not ready to give it up just yet

i want to kill myself again lol i had a really decent week at least but my depressions back and i cant stop shaking from anxiety my whole body is vibrating the worst is not know what youll do or how to control yourself i want this to pass but its always so painful getting myself there/waiting idk how i can do it again so recent from last time

The good thing about writing out all of my sometimes reactionary, sometimes not fully informed opinions is that I'm always learning how to better reconcile different modes of thinking and different concepts and how to be tolerant of some things and what it's okay to just throw out/dismiss and its a real process but I'm happy that it works and I notice my progress and it's not just whining without any productivity, that's something so relieving to know. None of my ideas about anyone or anything are set in stone but my ethics and how I navigate things; my conviction to being fair is what's helping me sort out what I value and what I don't even if just in the moment. Because of how much I've had to question myself and everything around me with the receiving of new ideas, I always feel sure I'm at least on the right track if not always 'right' which is probably the most conducive thinking toward actual self progress (not beating myself up over things which is unproductive but also not being so prideful as to think i've got it all figured out which is even less so).

the only part i rly enjoyed of this movie except for the beginning ofc + sum interesting shots throughout but even then this is more parody/self-aware noirism than genuine but w/e. its weird how modern welles seemed in the 40s but this for 1958 doesn't feel all that modern or forward at all, just contemporary.

In his book Highbrow Lowbrow, Levine describes the historical emergence of a cultural hierarchy in the United States during the nineteenth century. Before that time there was little cultural stratification—be it of cultural products or of audiences. This was a time when opera could exist simultaneously as a popular and an elite art form, a time when American audiences might hear a soliloquy from Hamlet and a popular song in the course of an evening’s performance. Levine tells us no art form – opera, theater, painting – was "elevated above other forms of expressive culture… they were part of the general culture and were experienced in the midst of a broad range of other cultural genres by a catholic audience that cut through class and social lines. This situation began to change after mid-century." 

The change, which Levine calls ‘the sacralization of culture’ involved the establishment of a hierarchy of cultural products and spaces…. The reasons for [this] in the nineteenth century are, as Levine argues, complicated. Then as now, "culture"—as a concept—had politico-economic as well as aesthetic and social resonance, and "aesthetics by themselves cannot account for the nature of the mores and institutions" that accompanied the historical development of high culture. As Levine observes, "these were shaped by the entire [historic] context—social, cultural, and economic—in which that development took place". Certainly, the categorization and stratification of cultural products seems, at this remove at least, to be the logical aesthetic extension of the stratification, compartmentalization, and commodification that accompanied most cultural production during industrialization and the rise of capitalism. And as leisure activity increasingly became both a signifier of social status and a reason for cultural consumption, it was only natural that the cultural products consumed during leisure time would themselves emerge as important signifiers of social prestige and class standing. 

But while Levine stresses the need for a holistic paradigm to explain the cultural shift that occurred in the U.S. during industrialization, he also emphasizes the degree to which the sacralization of culture served particular partisan political goals. For Levine, cultural stratification was one logical outcome of a conservative political reformation: "Once we understand that the drive for political order was paralleled by a drive for cultural order, that the push to organize economic sphere was paralleled by a push to organize the cultural sphere, that the quest for social authority (‘the control of action through the giving of commands’) was paralleled by a quest for cultural authority (‘the construction of reality through definitions of fact and value’) we can begin to place the cultural dynamics of the turn of the century in clearer perspective." 

Certainly, we see the way that the impetus to sacralize specific cultural products, spaces, and historical artifacts as “culture” had the same sociopolitical and economic implications it has today. Now, as in the late nineteenth century, "there is… the same sense that culture [in the sacralized sense of the word] is something created by the few for the few, threatened by the many, and imperiled by democracy; the conviction that culture cannot come from the young, the inexperienced, the untutored, the marginal".

- Joan Hawkins, The Cutting Edge: Art-Horror and the Horrific Avant-garde (p. 10-11)

this felt sooooooo good to finally write. too bad i accidentally deleted it on my own blog lol!!!!!!! i doubt itll get much reaction on tumbly anyway cus ~ignorance is bliss~ but idt this is an isolated event. i think much of tumblr directly enables this type of person.

"I have seen God."

i need to make lists of all the movies depicting mental instability that i can relate to not because im indulgent but because its the only way i know how to describe things and even then its impossible to give the full picture but its at least better than my words would serve ive always been embarrassed by how much people invest themselves into fictional characters probably because im the main culprit and what i fail to realize is people don't actually see themselves fully they see parts of themselves and i do too i dont see myself as Anna in Possession or Cher Horowitz they're not me (especially not Anna) but the symptoms and the ticks are very very similar to my own so you attach yourselves to these people in some way whether in adoration or knowing acknowledgment because you're trying to grasp onto the closest manifestation of yourself because you're still not sure who you really are and if you do you've never seen yourself before so how do you know you exist

i dont want to build myself out of the parts of other people but i can use parts of other people to recognize myself

im reading the symptoms of a mental break and its like my every other day i don't know what's a mental break and what's just my illness there's so much overlap

i made a resume and its v pretty and im v proud of it

walking thru a university a week ago i almost had a breakdown like this in front of everyone and i havent left the house since (v cliche) but this is exactly how i feel or what im verging on i went to a dinner for my grandmas birthday and i kept getting impulses where i wanted to scream im beginning to lose control over myself im terrified that something is coming all the time and sometimes i can feel it almost overtaking me only to push it back not yet but internally this is best realization of a mental break ever put on film this is exactly how it feels its been over a month or two now ive been depressed since i was in middle school but now im just crazy im 100% nuts i scheduled an appointment with a new psychiatrist today

me + my boyf

i really hate francois truffaut's direction he's got to be the most boring director with new wave credentials evr everything about adele h. shouldve made it an instant fave but he RUINS IT from ever getting there also im rly anxious and watched it in two halves and had to pause it a lot to mess with my face so idk how affecting any movie is gonna be rn but like........ isabelle adjani and mental illness are just two of the things within the film i can rly relate to thematically how do you f that up (shitty embarrassing nu-commercial direction is how)

yung desi arnaz is giving me a thought or 2

ya dumbass frickface *sits on u*

I don't want to write about my depression flippantly but sometimes all I can muster is an 'lol i want to die' and it's not enough or worth it catharsis-wise but I can't keep it inside. I know I'm bipolar because I can't imagine ever getting well when I'm bad or ever getting bad when I'm okay I can't imagine having good self esteem when I feel like shit and when I'm ok or even good I can't imagine how I could ever feel low - even if the intervals aren't that far apart, it's hard to stay cognizant of how I feel in each state unless I'm in it. Right now I'm probably at the worst I've ever been and I don't want to hear about anyone else's problems because they still seem less than my own even if I know that's probably not true it doesn't help at all to compare your trouble against anyone else's but I'm at a mini-breakthrough because at least now I can tell when I'm in a state and when it's my state affecting how I think. I can realize my irrationality but I can't act on that so I end up not acting at all. When I'm with people I feel like I'm choking and I'm hyper-aware of how uninteresting I am and how little I have to contribute and I feel bad for them having to put up with me because it's not fair, and there's no way for me to vocalize this either since I'm so used and comfortable with holding things in/have a strong aversion to sharing anything at all. It feels like I've been through 3x at least the shit most people have and on top of that, or because of it, probable multiple mental disorders (or maybe this is the cause of that perception in the first place)and like, whatever I don't like talking about it or 'poor me' or 'look how much I've been through' because everyone goes through shit and often worse immediately recognizable shit. But I go through and have gone through a lot I never talk about or let on to anyone at all and that's draining but I realize that's my fault and that's my choice. The only way to alleviate that is to be open, to be vulnerable, and I can't do that. Even if I was for a second, the embarrassment I'd impose on myself would be unbearable to deal with. It's irresponsible to wallow in this and see where I have to change and blame myself for everything but not act to unpack any of it but the thought that I have to unpack what I've created mostly on my own, that I'm my own responsibility, when it comes to something as unpredictable as mental illness, is too much for me to begin dealing with. Or at least it seems. What kills me is the continuous cycle of hating and doubting myself and my actions and sorting out what's me and what's things beyond my grasp and if I just mastered that the whole thing would come unraveling but just talking about this in writing makes me self conscious and how much of it is me INDULGING in it because thats all youre ever told is to not INDULGE in it and how much of it is helping me unpack so much if just a small bit, how much of it is necessary self examination. I try so hard to not be self obsessed and I don't think in my every day actions with others I am, but when I'm by myself I become terrified that everything I've gone through up to this point has been my doing alone and I'm driving myself even further out of self absorption. I want to get better but I don't but I can't but all I do is try. If I ultimately want to be happy why would I hold myself back or has my idle time given way for a preoccupation with madness to bloom. Was my craziness borne out of an initial need to pass time and does it flourish because of it. All I can think is I've created the cycle I'm now stuck in and I don't know how to get out of it but I'm trying and I'm always trying.

I think Josie and the Pussycats is more effective than anything Jean-Luc Godard has ever done but would there b a Josie and the Pussycats w/o Jean-Luc Godard?

I'm still lmao at the time someone on Tumblr who must not be named but is actually p horrible irl sly digged me by making a post abt how "male and male-bodied people" (vocab they only learned from me and still managed to fuck up) are the only ones who make fun of them for taking selfies bcs when you're trying to discuss something seriously with someone and they're taking pictures of themselves and you lightly joke about it instead of calling it out for how fucking rude it is like you should yr apparently being oppressive. And for all the kumbaya shit on there, something as simple as looking past biology, despite explicitly stating beforehand you're in no way male identified, still manages to slip thru and you get lumped in with men. And what the fuck does "men and male-identified" mean in this context except to serve an essentialist agenda where all men (read: those who "look like men") r evil and the other which is dumb and false. Like, I may talk about hating men on occasion (I hate male privilege and feel unsafe around many male-identified people but to genuinely say I hate all men is reductive as hell so I try to not) but I'm not out here making a damn fool of myself and spouting off about shit I don't know anything substantial about out of sheer narcissism.

Through a Glass Darkly (dir. Ingmar Bergman, 1961)

I still don't rly fuck w/ Bergman but I'm getting there. There's moments of sublimity throughout his films but the same themes and exposition get tiring. When he's subtle his films are perfect, but seeing as how personal they are I suppose it makes sense that it often feels his characters are blatant (emphasis blatant bcs most every director does this) outposts for his own life-views and philosophy. It's a pretty daft criticism to say a film feels calculated bcs ofc it is, but I don't like when director's present us with a potentially thought-provoking scenario and then give us their opinion/point us a specific way - i.e. become heavy handed. I also have this problem w/ some of Bunuel. With both of them I sometimes get the feel their films have more pretension and self-importance than actual meat. All that said, of the Bergman's I've seen now (4), this is by far my favorite.

the interesting thing abt being white is its not funny or cute for you to say you love "yt dick" like yr white ofc you do. also i hate when white people use yt or cracker, which imo drains either of any power they might've had.

im tryna get my selfies on this level

In the context of mental disorder, a mixed state, also known as dysphoric mania, agitated depression, or a mixed episode, is a condition during which symptoms of mania and depression occur simultaneously, such as agitation, anxiety, fatigue, guilt, impulsiveness, irritability, morbid or suicidal ideation, panic, paranoia, pressured speech and rage. Typical examples include tearfulness during a manic episode or racing thoughts during a depressive episode. One may also feel incredibly frustrated or be prone to fits of rage in this state, since one may feel like a failure and at the same time have a flight of ideas. Mixed states are often the most problematic period of mood disorders, during which susceptibility to substance abuse,panic disorder, commission of violence, suicide attempts, and other complications increase greatly.

this is me most of the time + catatonia but its very hard to describe on my own and thats why i never feel like im being treated accurately the next doctor i go to i have to remember to share this with

Demons 2 has fourth wall breaching via TV over 10 years before Ringu/is the best movie I have ever seen.

Also, entirely on YouTube.

i want to be somebody nobody knows but whose name and image is commonplace in homes across america

dudes....................... gary us bonds lowkey makes my puna tremble

this is how i feel right now

i rly need 2 read men women n chainsaws fully/more feminist film scholarship in general but esp. on horror bcs i wanna see if any of the ideas i have have already been addressed which im like 99% sure they have but all morning i was thinking what draws women/non-male viewers to horror films and how do they consume them differently and its SO INTERESTING. bcs male gaze bullshit aside, in a lot of horror movies or at least the good ones i feel like there's a forced female perspective, even if a lot of it is still undeniably exploitive of women(?). and the difference btwn what movies men are more likely to gravitate towards than women are along the lines of what movies employ a female gaze. like, if you go to fangoria a lot of the male fans will like blood guts n boobs but beyond the purely superficial in horror movies, besides the casual or sadistic viewer who overlaps with the greater horror community and their interests and thus from an outsider view could be easily confused as the typical horror fan - or at least that the typical horror fan is so shallow, what most good or acclaimed horror movies have in common is a forced female perspective - whether the male viewer is cognizant of it or not. there's a definite forced identification with not only female experience but beyond that female perspective (i.e. not only w/ with whats happening immediately on screen but the psychological workings of the character as well) in a lot of horror movies despite the overall gaze of the movie being on the surface masculine (which is p fucking subversive). thats part of why i like jean rollin so much because despite the soft-core aura and nude lesbian vampires abounding, there's a real humanity to his female characters (even when they're undead) and the majority focus is on them and their desires, their impulses, and their psychology. even his character's lesbian trysts, which can quickly fall into the exploitative and for male consumption, teeter more along the lines of genuine tenderness and love. while on the surface his movies could be seen as a gore + boobs show,i doubt theyre overall too satisfying for any male looking to see his fantasies played out. the women characters are seldom looking to fulfill a male character or spectator's desire, but only their own - and we see the film's actions played out largely through their perspective or through an identification with them.

this is me

this is the look im aiming for

my new hobby is talking really crudely in a british accent aka what i imagine they do in the uk 24/7

1977!!!!!!!

italian movies have the best titles, aesthetics, and story concepts ever FACT (i dont fuck w cannibal holocaust tho)

if u dont think the late 80s/early 90s were the pinnacle of aesthetic development and video releases from that time are the greatest height of cinema then gtfo my face!!!!!!

all i care abt is ~ethnic~/poc fronted 80s music rn even tho i cant even hear it correctly cus as of april 7 i am seemingly partially deaf in one ear

ethnic eurodisco idols

i cant imagine living until im 30 and i know for a fact if things dont change in a major way within a year im killing myself its very scary and people don't understand its not a conscious act or something you can control i can feel it tightening its grip on me every day and it terrifies me and i DONT want to die but i also cant stand living i feel like its going to suffocate me and i rather have control over myself than be controlled by something else i dont want to reach the point where the impulse is too strong but i know that point is going to come so a part of me thinks why stall it if the time between now and then is full of misery i can't do anything and i can't enjoy anything i can see my body and appearance deteriorating by the day i can feel me physically deteriorating every second i'm awake i can't connect with anyone because even at their worst they do a better job being open and connecting w/ others than me i can't be genuine because i can't be happy and i can't feel anything not constructed or set out for me otherwise but at the same time i feel EVERYTHING its not even that i cant feel those things i just dont knw how to express them in a way thats understood and all the ways i know how make me uncomfortable and feel artificial to act out and try to pass as real my only currency and way out the only therapy i can imagine is acting and even that requires my looks be a commodity i don't care about youth in any theoretical sense so much as i care about it as a necessary asset in my happiness i need things to move fast because i don't have much longer within 6 months i could be totally unable to function due to how distorted my looks have become in my eyes its not superficial its essential i know i have other talents but not one of them makes me happy and the only one that has a chance at it is the one most impacted by my neurosis i pick at my face and stretch and pull and feel tingles and numbness and am continually hyper-aware of the smallest activity on my face so i distort it out of recognition trying to fix it lament it and get back to distorting it more i cant stop destroying myself and the more i destroy my exterior the more i rot inside i yell at myself to not indulge in it every day because all i ever hear is get help and fight it and be strong but i've tried over and over and have continued to do those things but im still barely surviving what more do i have to do to get somewhere further

im going crazy again its strange how you can feel it coming on and also terrifying like youre holding it back but it just keeps pulsing more and more like a pimple its gonna burst my life is pus i think i need to write more bcs ive been trying to keep it simple on here but im not a simple person i also dont like writing too much on here bcs it can become indulgent and self-aggrandizing but i dont have a happy medium what i need to do right now is express myself and sort out my thoughts the only problem is im out of thoughts to sort im overflowing with words and impulses that go nowhere this is madness this is how it operates i'm full w/o a catalyst and when i snap my whole world is going w/ it

all my dream boys are extras in 80s movies

 ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

ur all welcome
(click for david duchovny peen)

this song/part always makes me cry my #1 of all time its very true we do i havent referred to myself as anything but a girl or a womyn for the past week half joking but im actually pretty serious i dont identify as male at all at all even a bit and i just realized that's also the source/main contributor of about 99% of my appearance anxieties

i think im the most accepting persyn on planet earth as long as something isnt oppressive n even then im still relatively flexible/open to different interpretations & explanations cus shits complex but like i was just thinking some people call buttholes "dirty buttons" in a sexual way probably n i still accept them truly a saint

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U r SassY u R SeXXxy n u Get ArouND
U r 1 Kool ChICK who Can Hold hEr Ground

take a moment to soak this in (click for huge)

the dream/the life/mi familia (i wish!!!!!!!!!!!)

COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG IS NOW AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX INSTANT THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE MARK MY WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:17

all ive done all day is listen 2 dont worry baby on repeat and watch the progress of my can't hardly wait torrent

ethan embry is my dream hs crush thats y cant hardly wait is my favorite movie also i think this is the last time ethan embry still looked okay as an adult bcs the rest of my search results were frightening

i dont even have a sex drive i just like talking abt it for fun but irl i am a nun n ppl need 2 respect i am in a monogomous relationship with lord jesus our redeemer n im saving myself until i enter the kingdom of heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i always forget how much i love the aislers set but this is legit one of my favorite albums ever and i just remembered omg im gna cry i listened to california so much a year ago when i dreamed of going on road trips and making friends and being happy (v corny in hindsight but w/e) i better stop or im gonna link the whole album bcs im relistening from the beginning rn and holiday gone well and ALICIA'S SONG just fricked me up all over again

i cn believe theres boys out there who continually make the effort to stay "smooth" down there like i cant even imagine ..................... how do u even go about putting razors anywhere near ur bhole. truly beyond me

NIGHT OF THE COMET WAS SO GOOD AND IT ONLY TOOK ME 4 YEARS TO SEE IT!! The kind of movie that was MADE for me! I'm so bummed I'm not 18 rn! Reposting from Mubi bcs I'm lazy:

I read W.E.B Du Bois' The Comet & then watched this despite the 2 being seemingly unrelated & it rly adds another level (w/r/t the main girls initial racism, the one off 'the last man on earth is either a gentleman, or a fag' convo - white women reinforcing white heteropatriarchy in lieu of white men even at the end of the world !but! gradually letting go of it). Rly makes u think....... Also this movie is near perfect/everything I luv 80s fun. Like, totally.

PLUS THE OBVIOUS FEMINISM/ROMERO-ESQUE SIDE COMMENTARY ON 80'S CONSUMERISM GOING ON! AND 80'S LOS ANGELES AESTHETICS ;_;. I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!

its rly stupid when people have legit aesthetic preferences only/mostly and try to give big explanations over them to explain why theyre "right" like w/e who cares shut up abt it

should be getting paid 2 b this flagrant

*opens legs so wide a loud cracking noise is heard clearly throughout the whole valley*

i would have sex w james + i love donna as a character and everyone can kiss my ass abt it

the time i wasted precious harddrive space screencapping sam neills nonexistant ass

2:00 is one of my favorite moments in any song ever but dont ff to it, just wait for it to come in context w the song

The face T.I. makes when he's deep inside of me (FACT).

u may all refer to me as 'the abomination' btw

i cant believe this ............ god bless horror writers

i need to stop going to the movies lmao i just get stressed out and frustrated

do you ever think of all the racist shit you've ever done and said (granting you have the power & privilege necessary for true racism) and you just want to fucking die? because you can still feel it killing you inside and rotting from the inside out but it's not something that goes away, its something you can make better by ensuring you're on yr shit but its not something that is able to or should go away bcs its a reminder that you're capable of horrible things and that you always need to do better. the small pain in yr gut remembering things you've done or said is nothing next to the pain your words or actions have either contributed or directly led to. as recent as my senior year of high school i said some unforgivable shit and i KNEW BETTER but i thought it would help me fit in/make my days there more bearable by giving me something to talk about (it didn't) and i have to pay the price (small change in comparison to the systemic hate it directly contributed to) for being that stupid for the rest of my life. its one thing to inflict pain out of ignorance but knowing that you could have done better and knew to do better but didn't is something that stays with you especially. however!! you don't wallow in that and pity yourself, bcs you don't deserve it, you take that feeling and you turn it into positive action.

women of color who make me wanna play video games

QUEER(!) woman of color, Samantha Traynor from Mass Effect 3, who's even given an optional romantic story-line with the female Commander Shepherd.

Chell, the main character of the Portal series, who's significantly absent of the male gaze in the first Portal (but "feminized" and more white-projecting in the second, ugh - still noticeably "not white" tho).

Faith, the protagonist of Mirror's Edge, who's not lithe to keep in tune w/ a male ideal - so often manifested in combatitive action heroines ridiculously lacking in muscle - but whose figure serves a real practical purpose and is realistic w/r/t the Parkour-esque moves signature of the game's characters.

i want a boyfriend who understands the importance of the cocteau twins in my heart and acts accordingly

this is literally one of the dumbest fucking things ive ever read im so bored of ppl conflating azealia as a person w/ her music cus shit still slaps but fuck this, fuck the delusional gay man who posted this and those in the community who agree w/ him, and fuck her for reblogging it i feel kinda horrible saying that cus what she "means" and her place in pop culture rn is rly important but shes not a symbol shes a human and a p shitty one at that i still support her in the bigger "game" but damn lord jesus i am praying for her to come to her senses on this shit...

the only thing im looking fwd to in life rn is watching like someone in love by myself tomorrow afternoon n buying a new fm transmitter for my car (solange + theophilus london + blood orange + lemixx.com all summer long ;_;)

3 women stuck in a transient space, robert altman would b proud

this blog belies my misty ice princess persona i am COLD AND ALOOF but only in public bcs people scare me a lot

the scream in the beginning of this is the reason i am alive

i went thru and deleted or "privated" a lot of posts where i was being rly hyperbolic and for SURE making things more complicted than they are i say a lot of dumb shit but its only because im trying to work things out in my head and like i dont regret it even though its sometimes embarrassing in hindsight bcs it helps me ~grow~ but i don't need it on display for everyone else + ANYWAY last night i realized i really really want more gay boy friends i thought about that when i was going to sleep bcs i dont have ANY in real life and its sad + alienating im gonna make that effort more this year i just want more queer friends in general even though i just noticed almost all my friends already are(???)

i actually cn not believe how crazy i am like lmfao at least im cute n smart n special ｡◕‿◕｡

N             O

one of my neighbors is playing what sounds like the beverly hills 90210 theme song on guitar hero and im gonna masturbate 2 it like its 1992 and dream of jason priestley's not so brotherly luv<3

im sooooooooo wet omg were getting married

would then, would now. i betroth my second penetration to greg louganis