tips on radiance

i need to make lists of all the movies depicting mental instability that i can relate to not because im indulgent but because its the only way i know how to describe things and even then its impossible to give the full picture but its at least better than my words would serve ive always been embarrassed by how much people invest themselves into fictional characters probably because im the main culprit and what i fail to realize is people don't actually see themselves fully they see parts of themselves and i do too i dont see myself as Anna in Possession or Cher Horowitz they're not me (especially not Anna) but the symptoms and the ticks are very very similar to my own so you attach yourselves to these people in some way whether in adoration or knowing acknowledgment because you're trying to grasp onto the closest manifestation of yourself because you're still not sure who you really are and if you do you've never seen yourself before so how do you know you exist

i dont want to build myself out of the parts of other people but i can use parts of other people to recognize myself