Diary Excerpt

I get flashes in my head the same way I get words I get feelings and those feelings are what I begin to write about, or want to begin to write about, but as soon as I sit down to write them they dissipate. On my way home I was thinking how odd it is to be sitting in traffic across from others sitting in traffic the opposite direction. You’re both sitting on display for each other and like all interactions for a second there is a connection. Of course, we run from any connection so the moment eyes are met we instantly pull away but like I said about being in cars with someone else, for a second there’s something electric between two strangers. I suppose everyone has an energy, actually I’m sure of it, and some energies are compatible with others and some reject others. It’s too simplistic to say some people have positive energies and others negative, it’s a spectrum if anything but even that requires opposite poles. Some people are warm in certain situations and cold in others and it’s keeping that in mind that we allow everyone’s full humanity to take hold in our hearts and minds. Without that understanding, we stand outside of everything but it doesn’t make us objective observers, but inhuman and unfit to observe. Everyone’s energies are volatile and depending on the day there will be a spark between two people and just as easily none. A lack of spark does not necessitate a lack of respect, on the contrary it requires more respect and understanding seeing as on any other day you could just as easily connect with the same person. Energies vary and by minding this we make life a lot more appealing for us. Condemnation is too easy and one should try to avoid it as much as possible. There are certain times when it is requisite: the rapist is one example, the unrepentant racist another. But most situations call for a deeper understanding and an opportunity to learn – it’s everyone’s path that’s different though our minds are mostly the same. If life were as easy as condemnations we would all be condemned and no room would be left for salvation. Transformative justice is key. If we can work toward a better world, then we can slowly edge out the hateful acts that make up much of our world today. I’m talking about feeding the poor, adequate housing, free higher education, and honoring emotions. Nobody wants to take these first steps, which seem cumbersome, because they believe that humanity is already rotten and nothing will come from changing it except dependency. The problem is, we’ve never really ever tried it truly. Nobody has committed to full communism and places that have tried failed through bureaucracy and sanctions and already toxic permutations of Marxist ideology. To think that humans are at base evil is a privileged position, although one encouraged by many religious sects. Of course there’s redemption but only the most well off are encouraged to seek it, or convinced they have no use to seek it. The poor are redeemed through their suffering; the rich are redeemed by attending mass. Their suffering is not encouraged, the only suffering that’s encouraged is one that keeps stasis. In this way it is understandable why the communists ban religion outright, but I can’t agree with that stance either. Religion is not an ill of this world but the way it has been enacted, interpreted, is. At its basis all practicing communists are living saints, but they seldom get recognized as such, because their goodness hasn’t been enacted through the proper accepted avenues. We recognize saints when they are abject and in hindsight, but often recognition is tokenizing already. The same way TV executives feel good about casting people of color in minor roles, the church elevates certain people through sainthood, but does nothing in its doctrine to encourage more saints. The blindness of the church is startling when we consider how many people are saints in spite of their religion. To have too many saints would be threatening. We have to be convinced that they are outliers, when everyday saints are all around us. Tapping into our saintliness is the beginning of transformation, both personal and political. Saintliness is next to revolution.