tips on radiance

Honestly, I have nothing left to say. People who have a lot of things to say still astound me but I think reading more and constantly discovering is a huge part of that. I'm so.......self-centered right now I guess and it's killing me. I can't wait to go to LA in a week and a half, and also move there eventually. I don't know as much as I'd like to, or weight what I'd like to, or dress as I'd like to but I think I'm ready, if not completely. To be perfectly honest with myself, a big part of growing up and aging being seen as a negative is lamenting all that I don't know by now. You're never as cool as you wish you were/someone is always cooler/why the fuck do you still care about coolness you're nearly 22?/time is running out. But it's not--to spend time worrying about wasting time is the only way you actually waste time. I know a lot more than most people -- which doesn't mean I'm smarter it just puts things into perspective. Lots of people know a lot more than me. One thing I've always been good at is reading people and a part of that is constantly compartmentalizing people and assigning them traits based on their other traits and 99% of the time i'm correct but I live for the 1% who prove me wrong. People who genuinely have a wealth of knowledge impress me, but snobbery and self-awareness of exceptionalism rubs me wrong. It comes off like a weakness. What role I'm trying to evolve into is someone who knows a lot, and can talk about a lot, but never holds myself higher than anyone else. I've been on the bottom in so many situations, my life has exposed me to so little outside of what I've made the effort to expose myself to, that I can't act any different in my interactions with others. We all start someplace, we're all at someplace, and that is something I need to be OK with and others to be OK with if I'm going to trust them.