tips on radiance

i go thru crushes so fast the only person i like is myself the only otp i have is me myself and i, i just like "having crushes on people" not actually having crushes, life is kinda boring if i cant delude myself into thinking i like anyone like that, idk what 2 do hopefully something legitimate happens soon but also ive got to stop living in terms of entertainment cus its for this reason that im generally incompatable i dont think i "use" anybody purely for entertainment but theres a definite factor of "finding a reason to live through other people" in every relationship i have, its not my fault i want to die but its also no excuse to forget the complete and full humanity of others