tips on radiance

i want to die more than my entire life i cant even say nobody likes me as one of my reasons because i know they do it just doesnt matter im a selfish giant baby who cant do anything and is too fucked up to achieve anything i actually want to, im not scared of the hereafter but i dont want to not accomplish anything, and i think step one of that is to stop being so self-centered. if im never going to achieve my real dreams then id at least like to make it easier for someone else to discover theirs. i dont think people realize how much strength it takes to go on living, and how much more it takes to decide to end it. im eating pie in lieu of shedding tears, because i don't even know how anymore.